Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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