My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
