You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
