So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
