I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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