Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
