his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
