Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
