You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
