I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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