at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
