I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
