I want to make a zoo with you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
