You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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