I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
