Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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