Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
