Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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