Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
