Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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