I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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