I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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