There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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