if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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