So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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