Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
