plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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