ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
