I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
