rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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