i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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