I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
