Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
