First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
