I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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