Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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