So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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