there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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