Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize