Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How external is "for external use only"?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
