Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
