so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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