Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
