we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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