HIV tests are more positive than that guy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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