i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
