Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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