why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
