Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
