This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
