I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
